Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Fisking a Christian "Christmas jihadist" Revision of "Twas the Night Before Christmas"

OK. So, I received in an email from a well-meaning person the following re-interpretation of the classic Christmas poem "Twas the Night Before Christmas." In the spirit of taking on the Christian "Christmas jihadists" who think along these lines, I am now going to fisk this poem:

Twas the month before Christmas
When all through our land,
Not a Christian was praying
Nor taking a stand.
If there's a Christian who is not praying, then I'd say that's the fault of the Christian himself. In this country, we are still free to pray as we see fit. In fact, there's a Catholic church directly across the street from my house, and I see Christians going in there every single day to pray. Of course, the implication that the author of this revisionist poem is trying to convey is that there is some external force out there somehow preventing Christians from either praying or taking a stand. I defy any Christian who engages in prayer or who even circulates this poem to prove it with actual evidence.
See the PC Police had taken away,
The reason for Christmas - though no one could say.
The PC Police have "taken away" the reason for Christmas? I pity the Christian who believes this. It's the sign of an insecure and shallow faith. As I said when I responded to the person who sent me this poem through email: Isn't the reason for Christmas always the birth of Christ, regardless of whether people say this out loud or ram it down another's throat by force? Is faith such a fickle thing that the mere debate regarding state sanction of promoting the story of the birth of Christ is enough to take away the "reason for the season"? Well, hell, I guess there's just no point in being a Christian anymore, given that Christians no longer have the belief that Christmas celebrates Jesus' birth thanks to this phantom PC Police. Seriously, I have to say that it sounds pretty foolish for someone to say that anyone, much less this unidentifiable entity known as the PC Police, have taken away an individual's rationale for celebrating Christmas. Does the person who wrote this into the poem actually believe that he no longer has any reason to celebrate Christmas? No, of course not. What this person is really trying to say is that he laments not being able to force his faith, or have the state acquiesce to forcing his faith, onto others.
The children were told by their schools not to sing,
About Shepherds and Wise Men and Angels and things.
Utter crap and lies. Heck, my own children sing about shepherds and wise men and angels and "things" all the time. And I don't know of a single school administrator or teacher who tells kids they can't sing Christmas carols. They just don't sing it in their public school classrooms because, you know, they sit next to Jewish and Buddhist and Muslim and Atheist kids and not everyone celebrates Christmas, and they don't go to public school for theological indoctrination. And, you know, my kids don't seem to mind all that much that they don't sing Christmas carols during the school day. They certainly don't come home complaining that their teachers don't make them sing "O Come, All Ye Faithful." They come home complaining that their teachers made them practice their spelling and made them learn their multiplication tables instead. And I'm glad about that, because that's why I send my kids to school. See, this is what kills me about the Christian "Christmas jihadists." They presume that because they can't do what they want, whenever they want, and wherever they want, the presumption is that they are prohibited from doing such things at all, anyplace. Instead, they claim "persecution" not because they are tortured for practicing their faith, but rather because they can't force their religion down the throats of everyone around them. In fact, tonight I'm taking my kids to their church (I'm Catholic, but my B-2/3 is Baptist, and my girls are growing up in my B-2/3's church) where we are all going to sing Christmas carols. [NOTE: My B-2/3, "Better Two-Thirds," is, of course, my wife.] And last year, we actually went around the neighborhood of the Church singing Christmas carols to anyone who cared to listen. About two weeks ago, my youngest daughter, who sings in the New Orleans Children's Chorus, had a Christmas concert where they sang all kinds of religiously-themed Christmas songs. And one can turn on the radio the day after Thanksgiving and hear people singing Christmas songs 24-7 for an entire month!! Anyone who claims that he can't sing Christmas carols is a lying liar who lies. And anyone who demands that his kids need to sing Christmas carols in "public" school has a warped sense of what public schools should be about. If people want their kids to sing Christmas carols, then they can sign their kids up for the local chorus like my wife and I did, or they can send them to schools where singing Christmas carols is part of the deal.
It might hurt people's feelings, the teachers would say
December 25th is just a "Holiday".
I am always astounded at the utter lack of charity contained in this mantra, which I hear a lot from the Christian "Christmas jihadists." I'd like anyone who professes to live a Christian life and who hopes to manifest the Christian example to tell me what is intrinsically wrong with wishing not to hurt peoples' feelings or what is intrinsically negative about wishing people a "happy holiday"? What harm does it do to any Christian, and the fundamentals of his faith, to wish someone a "happy holiday" so as to avoid any offense to the person on the receiving end whose belief systems he does not know? By all means, if you know someone celebrates Christmas, wish him or her a "Merry Christmas." If you are unsure, what harm is there in simply wishing that person a happy holiday? These Christian "Christmas jihadists" act as if someone's "happy holiday" greeting is akin to being cussed out. Sheesh!
Yet the shoppers were ready with cash, checks and credit
Pushing folks down to the floor just to get it!
CDs from Madonna, an X BOX, an I-pod
Something was changing, something quite odd!
What? Aren't the Christians who celebrate Christmas the ones who engage in such crass consumerism at this time of the year?
Retailers promoted Ramadan and Kwanzaa
In hopes to sell books by Franken & Fonda.
As Targets were hanging their trees upside down
At Lowe's the word Christmas - was no where to be found.
At K-Mart and Staples and Penny's and Sears
You won't hear the word Christmas; it won't touch your ears.
Inclusive, sensitive, Di-ver-si-ty
Are words that were used to intimidate me.
Now, I don't know about what the person who composed this poem sees out there in the retail world during this time of the year; but retailers still market Christmas with a vengeance. And, in fact, it's rare to see anything at all being promoted to celebrate Ramadan and Kwanzaa. But, hey, even if retailers were to abandon Christmas for other religious holidays, that still has nothing to do with any individual's right to practice and celebrate his own religion. It amazes me how much these Christian "Christmas jihadists" measure their faith (and their freedom to practice such faith) by how retailers choose to market and sell stuff during the Christmas season. But I guess when you have certain segments of Christianity promoting this Prosperity Gospel voodoo, it's no wonder that faith for these people is so wrapped up in such materialism. And I have to laugh at the fact that anyone would be truly intimidated by the words "inclusive, sensitive, and Di-ver-si-ty." I find it equally ironic that someone feeling so intimidated by words would be proposing the very use of words to intimidate others. It's like the person is saying: "Hey, if you get offended by the words "Merry Christmas" -- too bad! I'm not only going to force you to hear them, but I'm also going to try to get the state to promote my faith wherever you show your face. So, take that, you multicultural twit." Nope, no use of words with the intention to intimidate others, right?
Now Daschle, Now Darden, Now Sharpton, Wolf Blitzen
On Boxer, on Rather, on Kerry, on Clinton!
At the top of the Senate, there arose such a clatter
To eliminate Jesus, in all public matter.
Notice that every single politician or pundit mentioned here and throughout is recognized as a liberal or a Democrat. This is nothing short of a bald-faced piece of ideological propaganda that seeks to politicize Christmas and make it a partisan issue. I don’t think Christ would approve of using his birth and life as a partisan commentary.
And we spoke not a word, as they took away our faith
Forbidden to speak of salvation and grace
The true Gift of Christmas was exchanged and discarded
The reason for the season, stopped before it started.
Again, I have to wonder what is it about the faith of these people that makes it so fickle. What kind of faith's very life depends upon having Wal-mart put up a "Merry Christmas" sign? Notice how these Christian "Christmas jihadists" never assume responsibility or ownership of their own faith. Instead, their faith is somehow at the discretion and whim of the behavior of someone or something else! They see faith as something that not only can be taken from them, but can be done so simply by having a Wal-mart not put up a "Merry Christmas" sign. How pathetic is that?
So as you celebrate 'Winter Break' under your 'Dream Tree'
Sipping your Starbucks, listen to me.
Choose your words carefully, choose what you say
not Happy Holiday!!!
Folks, Christians, please do not listen to this joker. Here is a person who thinks that some people celebrating "Winter Break," sipping on a Starbucks (WTF?!?!?!? Is that some kind of dig at effete liberal urbanites?), and disposed to give a cheerful "Happy Holiday" greeting is somehow engaging in an evil, sinister act. No, my good Christian faith-mates, do not listen to this crank. I doubt Christ, the so-called "reason of the season," would look askance at kindness, charity, and sensitivity to the feelings and beliefs of others over something as innocuous as how you express a cheerful greeting.

It is finished! Now, I will put the killjoy Christian "Christmas jihadists" out of my mind and go about having a jolly, happy holiday in the way that I like to. I wish the same for you. Happy Holiday!


Eric said...

Here's my version, Huck:

Twas the week before Christmas and all over the 'net,
Neither Christians nor secularists showed an ounce of regret,

For their constant bickering which had taken away,
The spirit of Christmas, a most fantabulous day.

The children were shielded from both TV and screen,
Lest before their innocent eyes should be seen,

A nation of Grinches on both sides throughought,
Who leave sane people chained to a lingering doubt,

That Americans are capable of letting anything slide,
If they find it offensive they will not abide,

For fear of losing who the hell knows what?
If either side had an inkling, I bet they forgot.

So air out your greivances but I ain't gonna bite,
I'm having a Merry Christmas while you morons fight.


Huck said...

Very nice, Eric. Actually, it's pretty awesome in terms of creativity. Now you've had your say and I've had mine. And I'm with you that it's time to just enjoy the good cheer of the season!