Friday, May 30, 2003

Blog Banter - Andrew Sullivan has posted some interesting comments on what I think of as the myth of closet heterosexuality. We heterosexuals wear our sexuality on our sleeves publicly every day. Because of this, it is troubling to me whenever someone proclaims that gay men and women should keep what they do in their bedrooms to themselves. First, I have never known any openly gay person to say anything about his "bedroom" activity in public. Is an open, public admission of one's homosexuality the equivalent of bringing one's "bedroom" activity into the public domain? I say no more than the person who is "open" about heterosexuality through the mention of an opposite sex partner. When I speak to my friends and colleagues about my wife, they no doubt "assume" the details about my bedroom life, especially since we have children who clearly resemble both of us. Who knows? Maybe some of them even imagine or fantasize about such unspoken details. Yet, we accept this implicit recognition of "bedroom" activity for heterosexuals without question. So, for those who tell homosexuals to keep their sex lives to themselves, I say you are hypocritical and submit to you that homosexuals do keep their sex lives to themselves. Much more so than heterosexuals, actually, when you think about it. Why can husbands mention wives (and vice versa) without people complaining of bringing "bedroom" activity into the public domain, but gay men and women cannot even mention their companions as such without some homophobe saying "be gay if you want, but keep it to yourself."

Andrew makes the even more important point that it's not even about sex. It's about all the other things that enrich a relationship and make people happy as human beings. I'm with Andrew all the way on this issue.

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